


Easy

by DarkEyedDreamer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Long Drabble, M/M, slight sabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 12:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8445208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkEyedDreamer/pseuds/DarkEyedDreamer
Summary: Everyone needed something to distract them from a small town. Castiel had Dean





	

The day was mundane. It was always mundane. Small towns tend to have that routine, no matter how many country songs speak fondly of them. There was never anything to do, never anyone new to meet, never anything to stray from the usual path. That just tended to be the way it was. Castiel wasn't expecting anything to ever change, the plainness of the town was something he'd grown used to. A constant in life, that he would likely have his whole life. Just like everyone else here, he'd probably just get a job in town and never leave. The more adventurous of the bunch would probably stray for college, but most of them ended right back here. Sometimes the thought made him feel sick, but most of the time he was just used to it.

He grabbed his school bag, tossing it over his shoulder and heading to the front of the house, not really ignoring but used to the smell of beer. He remembered Gabriel's friend coming over a few days ago, crinkling his nose at the unfamiliarity of it. Castiel's only thought had been wondering what his parents used to forget they were here. In this dead-end town with a dead-end life. Everyone here had one. His parents seemed to get off easy, just needing some beer at night to lull them to sleep. Although he ignored his dad's late nights away from home, and the pill bottles in his mother's cabinet which read something Castiel couldn't spell as a child. Gabriel had a bedroom which reeked of weed so bad that a friend asked if a skunk dropped dead outside. And Castiel, well...

Castiel had Dean.

They'd been friends since birth, if his mother was any word to go by. Castiel himself couldn't remember a time when they weren't friends. Other than third grade when he and Dean argued over whether other kids were allowed in their tree house. 

_"It's our secret." Castiel said shrilly, a small pout forming on his lips. "We're supposed to be able to keep secrets."_

_Dean fidgeted a little under the pout. "But if it's just us then what about our other friends? We have other friends."_

_Castiel shook his head. "But we're BEST friends. They're not best friends." He challenged. When Dean said nothing he bit his lip. "Fine, then they can be your best friend." He challenged before storming off, too upset for a small child to handle._

Two days later they compromised that Gabriel and Sam were allowed, but no one else. Sam's kilowatt smile when his four-year-old hands finally managed to climb up the rope (with help from Dean, of course) made Castiel feel like it was worth sharing their secret.

Dean was one of the people who was likely to stay in town, not bothering to escape even for college. Not because he wasn't smart enough, he had the grades to prove he was smart enough (when Sam or Castiel bugged him enough to work) but because he didn't plan on leaving his brother. So more than likely he was going to get a job with his uncle (by choice, not blood) Bobby at the auto-garage. A normal, boring life. But one with family.

_"Family is most important Cas." He'd said confidently, aged 14 and knowing everything in the world. Castiel looked up from his spot on the floor where he'd been doing math homework._

_He gave an easy smile, his smiles were always easy around Dean, he was beginning to notice. He didn't have to wonder why. Dean was his best friend, other kids weren't the same. They didn't get him the same way._

_"You used to tell me I was the most important. Does that mean I'm your family?" He asked with a raised eyebrow._

_Dean gave him a look that was impossible to understand, and Castiel realized he'd been getting those a lot lately. Like Dean had a secret no one else on the plant was allowed to know. Sometimes, he wondered about it. Most of the time he knew that Dean would tell him when he was ready. So he never asked. They shared enough secrets for Castiel to let him have this one._

_"Yeah." He decided after a few moments. "Yeah Cas, you're family."_

"Hey! Cas!" A familiar voice snapped him from his thoughts and he realized he was outside, walking towards the school. The usual routine.

He glanced towards the voice and his smile came easy. "Dean." He said in greeting, adjusting the strap on his backpack so it was no longer digging in painfully to his shoulder. He hadn't noticed.

"You okay? You were looking like you spent too much time in Gabriel's room." Dean teased, although Castiel could see the worry in his eyes.

Castiel flashed him another easy smile, nudging the slightly taller boy with his shoulder. "If you're still worried about yesterday I can assure you I'm still not planning on dropping you as a friend and writing slurs on your locker like you seemed to think."

Dean's shoulders lost the tension they seemed to hold, and Castiel was grateful for it. "You're not mad?" He asked softly.

Castiel snorted. "I'm more mad you let me wear that blue tux to homecoming. What happened to your gay sense of fashion?" He teased.

"Bi." Dean corrected, and it sounded like honey, Castiel wondered how long he'd been waiting to say that word if it held so much relief to it. "And I told you that suit was shit."

"Fair point." The younger boy retorted, nodding his head in a mock-solemn way. "Then I guess I'm not mad."

Dean laughed, and it sounded like rain on the window; soft, gentle. The way Castiel wished he could laugh. "You know, I don't think this is the way you're supposed to react, but I'm happy you did."

Castiel shrugged his shoulders, almost lazily. "If I just kept saying it was okay then you wouldn't believe me."

After a short paused, Dean nodded. Castiel knew he would. He knew this boy too well, although apparently not well enough to notice the way he stared at nicely fitted jeans on either gender. Castiel didn't usually focus on jeans, except Dean's but that didn't count.

"Then what were you all zoned out about?" The older boy asked.

"Do you ever realize how shitty this town is? No one ever leaves, nothing ever changes. But no one's really happy. It's like settling." It all came out quickly, like Castiel hadn't realized how eager he was to share the pressure on his chest.

"'Course I noticed." Dean commented. "Everyone noticed. They all think they'll be the ones to change it but that's probably what our parents thought too."

Castiel bit his lip harshly. "Then what do we do?" He asked softly.

Dean looked him in the eyes, seriousness behind them. "You get out."

-

Castiel realized with passing months that when Dean said 'you get out' he meant that Castiel himself was meant to leave. Dean still seemed to have no intention of doing so. He also seemed to have no intention of telling anyone else his secret, either if it was anything to go by. Castiel didn't blame him, but felt a little sick knowing that Dean was likely going to marry a woman even if he was in love with a boy in town. He found himself hoping Dean fell in love with a girl if that was going to be the case. Even if those words tasted like a lie.

He knew that he loved Dean. Loved every freckle that dotted along his skin, loved his green eyes, loved his smile, loved his laugh. Loved that he was the only thing that made this town worth staying in. He'd loved Dean for as long as he could remember, so long that he didn't remember what it was like not loving Dean. Not feeling the fondness in his chest whenever he saw the older boy. Maybe that was the reason why he didn't notice for so long.

Not until he started dreaming about him after Dean came out to him. Sometimes they were sexual, most times they were domestic. A family barbecue, a wedding, tucking their children (of unknown origin) into bed or taking them for a picnic. He realized all at once that he loved Dean, and that made things messy.

He and Dean skipped the Halloween dance, decided it would be more fun to hang out at the lake, watch the water and talk about nothing at all. Castiel wanted to tell him then, could feel the words pressed against his throat. But he couldn't make himself. Resolved himself to deciding he could always tell him later.

It had been a few weeks but later never came.

-

When colleges began sending out letters Castiel got three acceptances and one reject (not that it phased him too much, the price had been a little steep), and he felt a little sick. He no longer had an excuse not to leave other than the truth. He didn't want to leave without Dean.

They sat on the roof the night he got his third letter confirming they'd be happy to allow him in their school. Dean had a beer in his hand, staring out into the nothingness that surrounded them on all sides. Castiel wondered if Dean wasn't looking on him on purpose, and when he cleared his throat and his friend still didn't look at him he had his answer.

"I don't want to go." He said, his voice coming out childish and the quickness to his words reminded him of the months before, when he confessed his realization. "I don't want to leave you."

Dean looked down at his beer, and for a moment Castiel saw pain on his face. "Castiel..." He started. "Cas. I love you." He blurted.

Castiel wanted to smile, but he couldn't. Not when Dean said it like it was an ending. "I love you too." He said instead, voice coming out soft.

"I was afraid you would say that."

"I know."

There was a sigh, and Castiel wasn't sure which one of them did it. "I don't want to leave." He repeated. "I could stay. I could get a job here and-"

_I could live in mundane._

Dean shook his head. "Cas please." His voice came out sad. Not Dean-like sad. Pained sad. And Castiel braced himself for what he already knew. "You have to go."

"Why?" He croaked. "No one else leaves. No one will care."

"Cas you have to go because I love you." Dean said, and Castiel crinkled his nose at the words this time. This isn't what he wanted.

"You don't want to date me because you don't want to come out." He said dully. It wasn't a question, and he didn't get an answer.

Castiel ended up leaving the roof, and ignoring the three phone calls he got from his friend that night. He couldn't blame Dean, but that didn't mean he had to be happy about it either.

-

When Castiel was packed up and ready to leave for the college furthest away from here, he saw Dean walking down the driveway. They hadn't spoken in weeks, and Castiel didn't quite want to speak now. He wanted to be angry. Wanted to be annoyed he was being driven from his town because the love of his life didn't want to come out to their town. But he had wanted to leave, and all he could feel was sad.

Sam gave him a hug, so tight that the older boy was concerned he wouldn't let go. He wasn't sure he wanted him to let go. "I'll miss you Cas." Sam muttered into his shoulder. "You'll call me, right?" He asked, and Castiel nodded.

"When I get there I'll let you know." He promised. "I'll tell you all about it."

That seemed to satisfy the younger boy, and he finally pulled away from his friend's touch. Sam didn't have many friends here, and Castiel almost regretted leaving him here. But Dean would make sure he was okay.

He didn't hug Dean. He didn't want his last memory of touching the boy to be fake. So he gave him a smile, but it was no longer easy. "Goodbye, Dean."

"I'll call you whenever I can, and maybe I'll come visit you during your break." Dean offered, and it sounded like a lie.

-

Castiel tried to keep in touch with Sam, who occasionally told him about how Dean was. He didn't know if the younger boy knew why, but he obviously knew they no longer spoke. That was okay. College was new and exciting for the first year. The second year was a struggle to keep up, and by the third year he was already forgetting about his small town. Unlike most of them, he didn't have the intention of going back.

Gabriel sometimes came to visit, he'd stopped smoking so much but it was still a constant for him like it had been when he was a teenager. Coping with a small town, it seemed. He talked about leaving sometimes, coming up to live with Castiel. Something always held him back. Castiel didn't know what, didn't want to ask.

He should have found it odd when his brother moved in. Should have asked what changed. But he was excited to have someone else help with the rent. Excited to have someone else make things feel okay. Help with the stress and all. He found out what changed when he went to class that Monday, running directly in the path of Sam Winchester, with a sheepish smile and bright eyes.

"I graduated a year early. It seemed nice when you described it." He'd said. Castiel hadn't noticed that his comments had stuck so well.

"I'm glad to see you." He said, and it didn't feel like a lie. He'd even given a hug to the younger boy. He had missed pieces of his home town, he guessed.

"Dean came with me." It sounded like a warning, although the tone was gentle. "Got a job up here."

"Yeah?" He asked softly. He should have known.

"You should come out to our place for dinner Friday." Sam offered. "And bring Gabriel."

So that was what changed. "Okay." He agreed, for his brother's sake alone. His stomach felt too tight. He felt a little too sick.

He hoped Friday never came.

-

"Cas..."

He shook his head. "I'm not doing this now. Just because we're out of that town..."

"I know." Dean interrupted. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He said and it didn't sound like a lie. "I came out, you know. Last year. It didn't feel so scary anymore."

"Congrats." Castiel said, and it came out more gentle than he thought. He couldn't hold onto anger he never felt.

Dean let out a sigh, and Castiel thought back to the night on the roof. "Cas I'm sorry." he apologized softly, once again.

Castiel shook his head. "Don't be. I always wanted to leave that town." He commented, and it was the truth.

"I still love you, you know." He said, and it still felt like an ending. But less so.

"I love you too." He said softly. It still wasn't a lie.

Dean nodded, and Castiel didn't know if he seemed relieved or sad. He guessed he didn't know him well anymore.

"Can we go out for coffee or something?" he asked softly, and Castiel looked up at him for the first time in the conversation.

"Only if you promise not to talk about it anymore." He muttered, giving him a smile, and for some reason, it felt easy.


End file.
